| wow |
[20 Jan 2006|03:12pm] |
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Its been a while since I've actually looked at this. I find it funny that after like.. 2 years ive yet come back for me. This might just be something out of desperation and bordem. However, itll suffice for now until hunger sets in once again.
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| its been a long, long time |
[14 Apr 2004|05:35pm] |
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mood |
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 fattt |
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music |
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blah blah blah |
] |
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yeah im at home now. hell has finally decided to release it's gates. which is fair.
anywho i dont feel like filling you in on the weekend and such, or easter since mine consisted of burger king and pain. but hey dont call me ungreatful. besides, i made a whole long messege in computer class and well, it erased, so no, im not writing it again.
anywho. good to be home.
my abs hurt from throwing that damn ball in gym. hah oh well
did my homework. and im bored so yeah. had chinese food. im still fat. oh well.
peace out mutha trucka |
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| i almost forgot... =] |
[08 Apr 2004|05:49pm] |
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mood |
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 ow. |
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music |
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bleaaahhhh =[ |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETHY!
for when it actually is your birthday, and if you see this. =] i looooooove you.
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| its better than a sharp stick in the eye, not. |
[08 Apr 2004|05:24pm] |
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mood |
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 sick, hurting, what arent i? |
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music |
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the voices are singing blehh. |
] |
so yeah, i got an extra blanket last night, thank jesus. and it just so happens that i was right, i did have a sore throat from breathing in the cold air all night. cuz i woke up this morning, and it was gone. hats off to me.
so yeah, life is gay. i slept yesterday from like 4-6, waking up in between to wipe my spit, which was overflowing from my mouth. hah thats really gross. but i love to share.
it seems as if computers is kinda my keepsake for now, corny as it sounds. but hey whats school for?
ugh, my whole body hurts, it hurts to move. listen to me when i say, this is horrible. i hate little kids that give me germs and damp basements that bring bacteria. assholes.
anywho, it hurts to breathe as well. which is pretty bad since thats just a little importanat. erins not here again this equalling, the decline of the buddy system. =[
oh well, i hope i dont have to do alot in gym. and your right correia, the toilet line was immaculate.
anywho, im tired, sick, and yeah thats about it.
notice: ashley is stuck inside her house. this equalling that she cannot go to not even 1 of the parties she was invited to this week, oh isnt life spantacular?
oh yeah, c- in bio. pretty good. considering i had an f. and i got a b- on my test, eh its exceptional. i suppose.
dont kno my other grades yet, oh well. when are report cards coming anyways? hmm beats me. yeah u definately know your insane when your freakin talking to yourself on the computer, thats just sad.
haha the rest of the weeks agenda:
go home today, sleep -- choir practice friday night -- go to "the mother's" house for the weekend? -- choir practice saturday night -- easter concert on sunday --
*note -- this is subject to change anytime when cleaning is needed. hah hell sucks.
mr. oswald just said "happy easter" and that we could have the rest of the period off. this leaves me with 45 minutes to write comments in peoples journals, take a trip to the bathroom, and possibly go climb on the roof. haha just kidding about the writing comments.
this is ashley sanders on 888888888 radio in your local hell saying, have a good weekend, talk to you monday.
HAPPY EASTER!! =]
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| and hell locled the computer, so i have to write in computers |
[07 Apr 2004|06:52pm] |
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sick |
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music |
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nothing. |
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yeah this is my only form of communitcation now i guess. in good ol' mr oswalds class. ehh? dad comes home in 9 days. =] but im stuck in hell for 9 more days | =[ so yeah that sucks anywho.
things that hell has broughten already:
sickness, i sleep in the basement therefore i was freezing all night therefore the basement flooded therefore i had wet feet and therefore i am now sick.
with the help of the little diseased kids of course.
im extremely sick. i feel like throwing up that ham, i ate for lunch hah. thats gross.
so yeah plllleassseee feel free to communicate with me throught this journal, hah maybe that will keep my sanity. oh joy, im going to sneeze. i did. and now im relieved.
i must take the bus home and then do my homework, and i am to be held captive in hell. what can i say? ehh fuck the world movement. and only i know what it is. so bleh bitch. "ashley has a potty mouth" does it look like i drink toilet water asshole. not. i think not.
be a kind fellow and shoot me in the face.
yeah so i guess friends arent really friends anymore. yeah called my "friend" yesterday and talked for a little, actually it was more like an awkward silence with an occasional "sooo" she eventually put the phone up to like, somethign with high powered wind that made it seem like we got disconnected, and we call ourselves "friends?" i hung up.
my floor is wet. my bed is cold. i live in hell. the food is old.
hah take that doctor sues.
anywho im off to go to hell in a matter of 20 minutes.
goodbye "friend"
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| wow i forgot what its like to have a computer this fast. =/ |
[05 Apr 2004|05:53pm] |
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mood |
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 provacative |
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music |
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The voices in my head, they sing you know. |
] |
yeah so im in computers. its boring. mr. oswald isnt here. so yeah that sucks. ive taken it upon myself not to do anything, simply for the fact that dammit i dont feel like it.
dads going out fishing tuesday, which is tomorrow. which means i wont be writing for about 2 weeks. since my sister now locks up the computers. bitch.
todays agenda:
go home =] -- pack =[ -- go to store and get some junk, cuz im cool and all. = sleeping has to be in there somewhere -- maybe do some homework -- eat -- then maybe read some of my book and go to sleep. only to awake to a new day which will bring the prosperity of hell.
so yeah im extremely bored. but i think i said that already. erins not here. which upsets me. this means that yes, the buddy system will once again fail. i dont kno what shes thinking when she does this to me.
the old guy in the corner is looking at me like " your up to mischieve arent you? " and im looking back like "dude whats your issue, stop fuckin grillin me" haha. so yeah thats how i am today. provacative.
competition overall was pretty good this weekend. considering last time our judges were so easy, but we got horrible points. and this competition our judges were pretty tough. and we scored higher. which means we got alot better, which is good i guess. not that i care or not. come july i will say goodbye to dance with a big grin on my face. =]
anywho, im bored. yep that has to be the 3rd time ive said that. im gona go leave erin a comment in her journal now, about how the buddy system failed. pshh aloha kids.
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| its 6 am... do you know where your children are? |
[04 Apr 2004|06:23am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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I dont wana grow up -- Simple Plan |
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yeah its 6 right now. on sunday. im waiting for my sister to come pick me up, she should be here any minute. so yeah, i lost an hours sleep. thanks to daylight savings, assholes.
anywho we did ok at comp yesterday. but then again whats ok? i hate it anyways so why do i care? i told my sister that id go out there, sit dead center stage and brush my teeth with a little tin bowl. i wonder what id score.
so yeah im kida tired.
woke up to the people downstairs yelling. hmph. and those boys look so quiet, hah looks are decieving arent they?
so yeah thanx to erin my journal is lookin quite spiffy. cuz she too the time out of her busy scedule to make it for me =]
so yeah i should get going now, peace out kids. ill be back here at about 11 or 12. <33 |
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| so what can i say? do you really wana know? |
[01 Apr 2004|08:36pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Fuck the world -- Tupac |
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yeah im bored. what else is new. so yeah today was boring, and im tired. tomorrows friday, horray? barely. you kno how i feel about weekends
highlights of the day:
went to school -- failed with flying colors on that damn history test -- hurt my hip -- got fat, hah what am i saying? ive been fat. -- had buddy system fail thanks to someone -- cough cough erin cough cough -- went to dance, which sucked it turned into like the fuckin slut hall of fame. not to mention any names. haha i just rhymed. -- went to sleep -- woke up -- yeah thats pretty much it i guess.
and now im gona go to bed, hah its like 8:45 go me.
homework done? ehhh semi - yeah i shoulda studied for algebra but ive kinda given up on that class. i hate it, and thats that.
yeah so once again ive bitten up my fingers. which sucks, it has to be unhealthy. hah elle.
yeah well im out son. my foot hurts, my hip hurts, my knee hurts
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| i just called to say, i love you. |
[31 Mar 2004|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Stevie Wonder -- I just called to say i love you <3 |
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yeah well today was pretty dull. yeah no dance thank god. that was an answer to a prayer. hah anywhoo went to school yatta yatta yatta. hah who says that?
umm hightlights of the day:
took a bio test in which i passes greatly. =] -- umm.. got barely any homework =] -- hah went to my sister beckas house after school where rachel and jessica were -- jessica looked at me and said... "OMG ashley! i havent seen you in sooo long, you look good, like older. and your putting on weight!" gotta love the forthright ppl. at least shed tell me the truth. hah. i love that girl man. then se proceeded to talk about the "old days" when we used to hang out and such, man that was fun. but of course my sister rebecca had to butt in and say "your too old to hang out with her" -- and i swear im going to be put in jail very soon for murder, yeah thats about it i guess.
oh yeah.. i need to speak with a drug dealer who accepts debit cards. hah.
i studied for my lovely history exam manana. haha what a good kid.
mhmm. so "the mother" came over today. joy? barely. i cannot stand her really. and when she left she said "i love you ashleyy" and i proceeded, "yeah yeah yeah"
hah she liked that one. attention: this just in: my dad is a freakin ice cream freakazoid. no seriously hes had like 14 bowls of icecream tonite. i swear, and im the one putting on weight. lol
anywho im kinda tired now, and dirty therefore i must shower i suppose, yeah its that time of the year. so i guess ill catch you on the "flip side" to be completely lizzie mcguire about it.
peace out kido.
i just called to say, i love you and i mean it from the bottom of my heart. </3
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| en la clase de computadoras. |
[31 Mar 2004|08:05pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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my typing. |
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yeah im bored. got done b4 im had to. tramp.
mr oswald is getting agravated. hah. anywho.
I let them win
everytime and I always end up worse off
than I started, broken down, broken hearted...
thats a cool song,
i stole it. hehe. sorry man, but i hate you.
peace.
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| and I've solved the neverending mystery thats led to my misery. |
[29 Mar 2004|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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music |
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tiPsy 8] |
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yeah so i just got home, you know the dizzle. mhmmmmm. anywho im bored, and kinda tired, woke up late today. grande i know .
hahahahaha. hightlights of the day:
handing in my bio project, hah i was so effin proud -- FINALLY finished video project 4 romeo & juliet, bro i was seriously gettin so sick of them assholes. [romeo and juliet not ben and krissy lmao] -- went to dance which wasnt a highlight but always a fuckin gossip session found out 2 things about some ppl that i shouldnt have really found out, but hey whats they deal.
and thats about it. anywhoo im bored as hell. and craving alcohol in numerous amounts. haha thats something someone will hate. im kidding guys, hah
i have just been called a fucker face from whom shall remain nameless. asshole =]
yeah so i just finished my history homework, i hope we go over the test alot tomorrow, cuz ugh, i have a bio test as well, and yeah im gona need to study for that bitch.
anywho. i need a psychiatrist, any1 available?! lmao hah, i want icecream, "well ashley, ask and you shall receive" hahah. im going 2 get it. either that or my ass kicked if i keep wriitng lol
peace out asshole.
-- never talk about gorillas to me. im tramatized.
trampster 4 life. </3 |
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| yeah im extremely bored. so i stole this survey from tara, she'll get over it. |
[28 Mar 2004|08:01am] |
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depressed |
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Id do anything -- Simple Plan |
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Four vacations you have taken...
1. um florida - Disney
2. Florda again
3. Springfield, i know not very far but oh well.
4. um thats it, i dont get out much
Four songs you get stuck in your head frequently...
1. i wana hold your hand
2. i hate everything about you
3. baribie girl
4. mmBop
Four things you'd like to learn...
1. how to play the guitar
2. how to play the drums
3. how to set up like stage lights and stuff, ehh what can i say, im into performing
4. How to do hair, like fancy and stuff
Four beverages you drink frequently...
1. sunny delight
2. cranberry juice
3. milk - at school
4. water i guess =/
Four tv shows that were on when you were a kid...
1. sesame street
2. the magic school bus
3. rugrats
4. full house
Four places to go in your area...
1. movies
2. mini golfing! lol
3. um... the mall
4. parks
Four things to do when you're bored...
1. sleep
2. clean
3. go on computer
4. eat
Four things that never fail to cheer you up
1. sleeping, nothing else ever does.
2.
3.
4.
About 20 years ago...
1. my mom was a crack head
2. i was not thought of
3. 2 of my sisters were alive
4. i would've loved to be in that era man..
About 10 years ago...
1. i was 5
2. i was in kindergarten
3. i had 2 best friends named ryan and jace, who later in life turned on me =[
4. i had just moved to new bedford from marioni was 10
About 5 years ago...
1. i was 9?
2. i was a straight A+++ student
3. i was in 4th grade?
4. i had a substitue teacher fro 6 months of my school year.
About 2 years ago..
1. i had a boyfriend who couldnt speak english
2. i had a boyfriend 5 years older than me
3. i went to Roosevelt Middle School
4. everyone hated and wanted to fight me cuz i was a bitch.
About 1 year ago...
1. i moved to fairhaven
2. i hated my life
3. i hated everyone around me
4. i was an anry foster child who ran away.
Today...
1. is... well i have no idea, march 28 maybe?
2. i am going to church, then to dance then to volleyball, i hate sundays
3.i am eating so much junk right now, this cant be healthy
4.is sunday therefore, tomorow we have school. =[
yeah kids thats it, and now im bored as hell, so im going to get ready and such, fnish some last minute homework.
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| the confessional. |
[27 Mar 2004|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Billie Myers -- Kiss the Rain |
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im sorry that i led, so many times.
im sorry that i said i was something that i wasnt.
im sorry for being 2 faced
im sorry for pretending to be your friend
im sorry for saying i would stop , and then didnt.
im sorry for making so many promises, that i knew i could never keep
im sorry for breaking the promises i might have been able to keep
im sorry for spreading rumors about you, and then denying it
im sorry i said i hated you
im sorry for leading you on
im sorry for saying that i didnt know, when i was fully informed
im sorry for saying i understood, when i had no idea
im sorry for being soooo jealous.
im sorry that im still really jealous
im sorry that i cant really get over you
im sorry that i ruined alot of my life
im sorry for trying to kill myself.
im sorry for not succeeding.
im sorry for not trying
im sorry for trying and not being good enough
im sorry for making you feel sorry for me
im sorry for comparing myself to everyone else.
im sorry for changing.
im sorry for saying that it wasnt me, when it always was, everytime
im sorry for making you think everything was ok, when it wasnt.
im sorry for never telling you what i really thought.
im sorry for finally telling you how i felt, and all i got was. an "oh"
im sorry that im diseased, and you didnt know it.
im sorry that im weird
im sorry that i was never really a kid
im sorry for saying that if you died, id spit on your grave
im sorry for dissapointing you, again and again
im sorry for not caring, at all.
im sorry for hurting you
im sorry for stealing from you
im sorry for writing this.
im sorry for giving up.
forgive me? </3 ='[
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| ehhh pretty boring. |
[27 Mar 2004|01:05pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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John Mayer -- A love song for no one |
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yeah so im kinda sick of updating this thing. i jsut get sooo tired, and sick of the computer, you kno the deal man. anywho
Todays Agenda:
Dance 3 - 5:30 -- Choir Practice 6 - 8 -- home.
ehh your typical day in the the life of ashley sanders. anywhoooo
Hightlights of the week:
there were none. as usual.
I probably wont write 2moro cuz its another extremely busy day soo... :::
Going to church at 10 -- dance at 11 - 3 -- volleyball 3 - 5.
and they yell at me cuz i get bad grades? assholes.
im out son, pretty tired, maybe catch a quick nap b4 i go to dance.
im so tired of bein alone, so hurry up and get here. <3
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| sorry i havent written anything, ive been.. tired. |
[24 Mar 2004|08:05pm] |
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depressed |
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All falls down. -- |
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yeah well sorry i havent written anything since that entry on love. which by the way i wrote when i was like, half asleep. lol
anywhoo. today kinda uneventful boring, yes .. hmm.. --
went to ac moore to get stuff for my project -- hah went to chuckie cheese w/ the kids -- came home did homework/ate -- and now here i am, tired as hell.
and to top of my tiredness i have a horendous fever blister on my face that wont seem to go away. ughh i hate germs.
anywho im going to shower now, yep nothing interesting about this entry, you kno how i do son.
surround me y o u * |
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| ahhh the wonderous love. |
[22 Mar 2004|06:52pm] |
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Why are you running away? |
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love is an extraordinary emotion that is kept inside of the heart. there are differnt types of love, and different ways of showing that you love someone. I however, could never fall in love. ive never been in love and dont think that i will be in the future.
Nevertheless, you hear people talk about how glorious love is. However, you also hear them talk about the bad side of love. i dont deserve the pain that love delivers.. but then again. i dont deserve the pleasure either.
Love requires that you actually give your heart up to someone. you give them ability to take away your life, to destroy your future. you sometimes become dependable on who you love. you have to trust that person completely.
ive come to realise that ill never be able to fully trust anyone. even the people who were have supposed to have sworn love to you when you were born can break that trust. and if theyve broken mine.. the people who said they never would, how can i trust at all?
how can i give someone complete control over my heart. and give them the ability to hurt me. how can anyone? how can anyone wake up everyday, look in the mirror and say, " my life is complete with _________ in it." then what happens when they leave? your life has a hole, and you are therefore broken. but then what do u do? ehhh but go out and find another lover so you can repeat the vicious process.
i am not speaking this from my heart, ive never been in love. ive never let anyone get that close to me. however, recently ive noticed that those who surround me are in love. and i just think to myself. love... whats that? how can there actually be love. its not what it seems, to me at least.
sure, i love you as my friend, my brother or sister. but you will never have complete control of my life. i will never fully trust you, for that only leads to brokeness. i will tell you the things only that i want you to know. nothing of any sort, shall be kept in confidentiality with you.
-- I dont know how much more i can take. -- Wont be too long before there's nothing left to break. |
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| It can tear you up inside. |
[17 Mar 2004|07:42pm] |
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depressed |
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I hate everything about you -- |
] |
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yeah today was a big wad of.. hmmmm crap? yeah thats how you can descrive it. lol
went to school - oh yeah and i guess the discussion in bio was of my fasting. just to let you all kno. [ aka anyone who reads this and/or critisized my fasting.] unless you actually have any information on it, dont say anything about it. becuz everythings different when you actually kno stuff about it, which you dont. Its FDA approved and i dont really give a flying fuck what you think. or what everyone tells me about how "unhealthy" what im doing is, when in all actuallity its perfectly healthy. so yeah, my lovely bio class had a lovely discussion about me and my fasting today. thanks guys. and fuck off =]
anywho my day went pretty ok after that little incident. unfortunately, i have to go to school. dad was gona let me stay home but then said im not, asshole.
did all my homework plus more today. what a good kid. =] oh man dads yelling hah hes such an ass sometimes its all good tho.
heh. comp this weekend. joy? hell no asshole. if u really wana do a good deed this weekend. come to springfield and rescue me. haha.
any who bro. life is the usual. gayyyy. im out 4 now. i hate everything about you <3 |
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| i am cold. i drink soda and punch. |
[16 Mar 2004|06:37pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
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music |
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I want you to know that im in love with you |
] |
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yeah so today was an ok day i guess. then again, what qualifies as a good day? hah havent had any of those in while. you kno the dizzle. so this is what i did:
went 2 school [as always?] - umm nothing really interesting happened there. but then again nothing ever does. - dad picked me up. and of course it was snowing. oh yeah. that made me extremly happy [ talks in a sarcastic voice ] um.. we went to get the girls + matty and then we were back home. thank GOD i did have dance tonite. i was wayyy to tired and just wasnt gona do it. hah - did ALL my homework. arent you proud? - and then slept. yeah thats about it.
oh yeah and ive just realized that since my nails are so short, i can no longer take my contacts out. what the helllll.
i want you to know that im in love
with you so baby come on, come day 2 almsot done. <3
on and tell me how you feel.
sooo yeah im watching kristina, matty, and sarah right now. yeah there runnin round the house on a scooter. -- throws hands up in the air -- i think i just heard something break.
ohh man. talking abotu scaring a kid for life. anyone ever seen that commercial with the girl online talking to her so called "friend" when in all reality on the other side of the computer theres this old sweaty guy gettin off to talkin to her. yeah well i found that quite disturbing..
i still dont feel good. but hey what am i to do. yyaawwwnn. ahh any ways george bush is on tv bein an ass again. yes thats right i said ASS. and i wont take it back. hah thats just a little bit of a thing to piss all the political people off who read this. =p
im out bro. this niGht is DONE. ---------------- |
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| he told him not 2 turn around. but on reflex he did. then he blew his fuckin head off. |
[15 Mar 2004|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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none. |
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yeah so i should be in bed right now. hah i still need to read my book but dont you worry that will get done!
im really kinda tired actually. dance was freakin draining. u kno man. u kno.
well. i guess im makin this short then. u kno the dizzle. mhmmm. lol
my tummy still hurts. and i look like a spanish barbie at this moment in time. [dont ask]
goodbye. day 1: complete =] <3 |
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| i feel sick. |
[15 Mar 2004|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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| [ |
music |
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Nothing. =[ |
] |
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yeah so i feel kinda sick. kinda mad. have to go to dance in approx. 10 mintues. hah. anywhooo today was pretty ok i guess. went to krissys planning to tape our project. but ben couldnt come. =[ so that means we have to do it another day. dammit. i just wish itd be over by now.
yeah so i guess im off to leave now. its about that time. im really hungry. =[
I don't think you trust,
In, my, self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die starving for perfection <3
In my, self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die
peace out man. |
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banana_wama_x0's journal